Fairly Symmetrical

First in my series of Power Bar Reviews...

Name: Peanut Butter Rage
Flavor: Chocolate Fudge
Weight: 110g (3.9oz)
Calories: 450
Effectiveness: 4.1 cal/g (115 cal/oz)
Overall rating: 3

First of all, how can you not laugh yourself silly at the name? Peanut Butter Rage? What, like a jar of Jif got really angry and ... made a power bar? It just doesn't make any sense!

This is a "chocolate" (we'll get to that in a moment) protein bar wrapped in "Peanut butter". The peanut butter is approximately the same consistency and quality as the generic peanut butter crackers you can buy out of any vending machine, and is really quite inoffensive.

The chocolate bar, on the other hand, is a dense lump of extremely dry, untasty protein-stuff. Each bite must be chewed for at least 30 seconds before even attempting to swallow it, or else you risk serious esophagal damage (or worse, the fear that the lump you just swallowed will prove indigestible and will just sit there in malevolent lumpiness until you die, and the medical examiner discovers it). The worst part is that the peanut butter coating means that even after swallowing, you have chunks of the stuff stuck to your teeth, the roof of your mouth, etc, which means a long-lasting, icky aftertaste.

Nutritionally the thing is a caloric thermonuclear bomb -- 450 calories is the highest I've seen in a single bar yet (at least without the bar being a half-pound triple decker monster, which is cheating). It also comes loaded with 190% of your daily recommended value of Vitamin C, which is actually kind of scary. What the heck is so much Vitamin C doing in a chocolate bar?

It didn't make me want to vomit, though, which is a step in the right direction, so it ends up at a 3. If your approach to power bars is "pack in the calories so I don't have to eat as many of these things" this guy is right up your alley.