This morning Eric was packing up Ollie's and my lunch for the day while we assembled all of our stuff to go. Ollie calmly walked over, grabbed a fox, bluebird, and bunny finger puppet, walked to my backpack, insisted the front pocket be unzipped and carefully, one by one reached high above his head and packed me finger puppets.

 

They are sitting on my desk keeping me company right now.

 

Yesterday he carried a bag of tortilla chips from the car to the kitchen for me, setting them down to crawl up the step to the porch. He also carried a box of Veat from the laundry room (I retrieved it from the freezer in the garage) to Eric in the kitchen. And, last night he helped me bake chocolate cake. He wanted me to hold him while I did it, but he was too heavy, so I pulled a chair up to the counter from the dining room table and then I would hand him the measuring spoons and he would dump the ingredients into the bowl and then whisk for me.

 

He is a very helpful and sweet boy. 

So Ollie is sixteen months now. Of late I've been bad about mama blogging because I've been blogging about our fun with food. Ollie has been joining us on these adventures. After a brief spell of pickiness, he's gone back to eating all kinds of things again. He especially likes beets and goat cheese. And of course crackers, sun butter, jam, and bread.

 

He is of course doing new things. He gave me a backrub the other day. We had been doing baby massage with him for a long time, usually while saying "massage the baby" in a funny voice. Well, the other night I was having a bad and frustrating night and while taking a bath with him he pushed behind me and started giving me a backrub. He kept at it for like, four minutes, which is a very long time for a baby (and frankly, about as long as I could get my spouse to massage me either). It was very sweet. He's also still big into kisses and snuggles, which I appreciate. Sadly, unlike Henry he has not said he loves us, but some day.

 

We are still trying to figure out the language thing. We are supposed to check in with our pediatrician about it today, so Eric is going to talk to her. Lately he's big into saying "bubble." He says it all the time. Over and over. But, he's doing what he normally does, which is to say it for everything all the time and to not use his other words. He's still not accumulating them, he's using and discarding them. Or if he is accumulating them he's not busting them out. I am still not terribly worried because he understands all of our words. I don't know. We have also decided to go ahead and get him vaccinated for MMR, but not to get the MMR shot, to get them all separate. There has been a lot of news recently about measles outbreaks all over, including places like Belgium, and so we don't feel comfortable leaving him not vaccinated. So spliting them up seems the compromise. It also seems like a pain, but we are willing to do that.

 

Thanks to our friend Steph's book recommendation, Good Night, Sleep Tight, Ollie is sleeping through the night now, pretty much every night, even when his molars (three coming in!) hurt him. It's amazing. He's also fat enough finally that the small Fuzzi Buns are not fitting and we had to go buy some new diapers. We got Kanga Pockets, which are nice. If we knew what we know now, we would have bought all expandables and not messed around with the Fuzzi Buns (which come small, medium, large, etc, as opposed to growing with your child).

 

Not much else going on. Ollie still loves to read books with us, play in his sand box and water table, he's growing ever more confident walking around and doesn't get upset when he stumbles as much. He knows what an "O" is and how to say it (but can't draw it yet). He still likes to dance, dance, boogie, boogie, and he still seems like a pretty inquisitive boy. He was concentrating on something at the grocery store and the vegetable man was like, "He needs to smile more." And I thought, hey, he's thinking, leave him alone. 

 

Having him in day care three days a week sucks, but I have so much to get done. I need to get my dis revised, I need to get my cover letter and CV put together, I need to turn a chapter or two into articles. I need to write abstracts for ASTR. Obviously all of this could not get done on a Tuesday and Thursday. But I miss him. A lot. Two days a week was better. It was just right.

 

The other thing is that I have not gotten to hang out with my mama friends and their babies very much. We have started going to the Farmer's market at the Triangle on Wednesdays and get to see more of them there, but it seems like many of the playdates have died off and that is sad. Luckily Magda and Yuri are coming over today to talk vegetarian cooking, so that will be fun. But, mama friends who read this blog, Ollie and I miss you all.  

Where I talked at the end about the lovely gifts that had arrived for Ollie in the past month? Today he got three super cute t-shirts from his Auntie Fi, Uncle Simon, and cousin Ben in the mail.

Sometimes it's overwhelming to me how well-loved my baby boy is, and then by extension me and Eric.

I am so grateful for you all.

 

So Ollie Grey is 15 months now. For those playing at home, he is 21 pounds exactly and 29 1/4 inches tall. Which is 5% and 5%. He's very proportionate, his pediatrician has said. The appointment went smoothly for the most part. I have decided to delay his MMR and chicken pox vaccinations. I would prefer he get exposed to chicken pox naturally, and I want to wait until he is 3 for his MMR. I know some people feel passionately that vaccinations are the way to go, but I just really feel unsure about the MMR at this age. The introduction of so many serious viruses at once to a small being of 21 pounds just seems... risky to me. If it were possible, I would split them up over three months, but getting that is apparently a pain. So I have decided to wait. Hopefully this decision will work out ok. We did get the Hep A vaccine, and Ollie was displeased.

The pediatrician was concerned when I told her that Ollie learns a word, uses it a lot for a day or two and seemingly discards it. I'm not sure why this concerns her, because it's not exactly a sympton for autism, I don't think, but she worries a lot. I have decided to outsource my worrying to her. I worry a lot too, but she worries more than me. Thus, I will pay her to worry for me and I will continue on blissfully not worrying. Somebody should be worrying though, I think. Anyway, what I said turned out to be a lie anyway.  

As it turns out, he still knows the words, he just doesn't want to say them. Last night when I was putting him down to bed I realized I'd left Gertrude downstairs. Ollie doesn't always want or care about Gertrude, so I figured I'd just leave her down there. Gertrude was one of those words, he said her name a bunch for a day or so and hasn't said it for weeks. Well, he looked at me, last night, pointed to the door and said very clearly and emphatically, "GERTRUDE!!!!" So apparently he can still say it, he just doesn't choose to unless that's the only way to communicate what he wants. Pointing, grunting, whining, reaching for things are all easier, but none of those would communicate that he wanted a hedgehog that was located on a different floor, so speech was the go-to. So I guess he's just stock piling words like I thought.

Right now his favorite words are :uh oh, poop, and juice. Usually not all together, though today he did say to me, "Uh oh!" and then point to the ground, "juice!" as he had spilled his juice all over the rug (my fault, I put the sippy cup together wrong). Hopefully poop and juice will NEVER need to be in the same sentence.

Anyway, another reason I refuse to worry is that they give us a handout with developmental leaps he should make between 15-18 months and he was doing ALL of them already, except walking up stairs one at a time. Ok, the kid is in the 5% heigh wise, how the hell is he going to get up stairs one at a time? They're half the size of his body.

So Eric went out of town for a work conference which was apparently fun and very productive, so I was a single mom Sunday-Wednesday. The first few days were really rough. Monday night especially since Ollie did not sleep at all. I finally brought him into bed with me and he slept some, but he was rolling from side to side on the bed in his sleep, which made it very difficult for me to sleep. At 6:30 on Tuesday morning when he made it clear he was up for the day I asked him if I could at least have a kiss and he gave me one, which was nice. He's less keen on kissing these days and I miss it. By today, Wednesday I was starting to get used to it and I realized it was doable, if less fun. I found it was kind of lonely, especially the night time, because Ollie was in bed, but I couldn't go anywhere or do anything much to entertain myself (and no good tv was on). I have always known it must be tough to be a single parent, so basically this was having my suspicions confirmed. One thing I've found was that it was a lot harder to be fully present for Ollie. I wanted to do a crossword while he was playing in the sandbox instead of playing with him, things like that. With Eric here I can get mental breaks while he's with Ollie and when I'm with Ollie I can really focus on parenting. I don't think Ollie suffered for me not being present, in fact he probably revelled in the freedom that comes with mama being distracted. But I missed the presentness. I also realized that if I were a single parent I would subsist entirely on Slimfast, as I was DAMN TIRED and didn't want to cook.

There were also moments of incredible sweetness. He snuggled up to me and slept with his head on my pillow and my arms around him for awhile Monday night. This morning we put on Blue Moo and dance, dance, boogie boogied for a long time. He helped me get the recycling out this morning. It was a private world of just us and that was kinda cool. I realized if we had to, we could make it (though I really don't want to have to), but that made me feel better about what I'm capable of.

So kudos to you who do it, it's hard, but I know your kiddos will see how strong you are and the bond between you will be amazing.

So that's where we are. Ollie is switching from T/Th daycare to M/W/F so I can get my dis done. I am not happy about that. Eric told me that I can always not take him all three days if it becomes too much for me, but this gives me the option of more work time. I appreciate that and I appreciate us having the income to make that possible (thank you Eric). We bought Ollie a fancy outfit for his Great-Grandma's 90th birthday party. He will look super cute and swanky. His aunt Laurie sent him a stuffed neuron and a hilarious shirt from threadless, his uncle Ryan and his girlfriend Mandy sent him an awesome fuzzy blanket for Easter, and his great grandma Nancy sent him cookies, music cds, and a stuffed lamb he loves to rub on his face. The damn dogs ate most of the cookies. Stupid dogs. They've gone a bit nuts of late. Ollie is much loved and I think he is lucky to have such a great family, extended and near. 

And now I must go give my kiddo a bath.    

Statesman has an article about baby showers featuring Nicola, Sarah, and myself.

Article is here

So, do you think its a coincidence that since Ollie began sleeping through the night I've finished 8 books (The Historian, Martin Dressler, Raising your Only Child, Dangerous Laughter, Harry Potter 7, His Dark Materials Trilogy), started 2 more (The Lady of the Snakes and The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2004), I've finished 3 sewing projects (a mei tai for Fiona, a cover for her new Beco, and I just finished a pair of shorts for Ollie- pics to come), started another (birthday present for Les!), and my writing quality has gone way up on my dissertation?

That's all just inexplicable, isn't it?

It's Bluebonnet time, so we went to Ladybird Johnson Wildflower center yesterday to take pictures. Although we have a lot of awesome ones to upload, I thought I'd offer a comparison from the exact same spot.

Last year (4/4/07):

This year (3/29/08):

Isn't the change in one year amazing? He really has grown up so fast.

Bonus pictures of Dada and Ollie:

And Mama and Ollie:

Today I did a focus group for a major baby clothing brand. I went in, got free lunch, yapped about my opinions, collected $100 and went home. These were all good things.

The focus group members were comprised largely of moms who attend the same rather progressive, rather AP friendly daycare. (AP is attachment parenting for those who don't know). There are a lot of moms who breastfeed, homebirth, wear their babies, send their kids to daycare in small fake vintage rock t-shirts. These are moms who in theory, I should have a lot in common with.

So the major clothing brand showed us fabrics and designs for their next line of children's clothing (perhaps a year out? Since they said spring). They were divided into two sets: girl and boy. Uh oh, you are saying, I see where Jenny is going with this. Yes and no.

To begin with, we were asked to describe how we dress our child. I explained that we were not preppy and favored bright, busy, colorful, fun clothing. We wanted our child to look like a child, not a mini adult. I also explained that my child was extremely small with a tiny waist and we liked knit outfits because the mini-adult clothing just fell off. I finished by explaining Ollie's recent obsession with pink and how he had picked out pink mittens, tights (for England), and most recently a pink polo shirt. The group leader found it peculiar that he had preferences at 15 months. Now, while I like to think my child is precocious, left to their own devices doesn't any kid gravitate towards certain things in stores? The other moms seemed ambivalent about my indulging my son's pink obsession.

The girl clothing they showed us was floral, hearts, or strawberries. Largely. It also had phrases like "smile" or "sweet" on it. There were capped sleeves, ruffles, rick rack, ribbon bows, and other adornments. Occasionally the above words would be plastered over the ass of the pants like a Juicy Couture sweatsuit. Several of the pajama sets for 4-7 year olds looked like adult lingerie, with spaghetti strapped bodices and tiny little boyshorts. It was largely pink or yellow.

Most everybody took issue with the words on the butt. Nobody was thrilled about the words in general, honestly. I expressed dismay that the girls stuff was universally so overdecorated that it would be hard for a boy to wear, but there was zero sympathy.

Then the boy stuff. For the most part, it was pretty awesome. There was the occasional typical sports crap ("daddy's little allstar") but mostly it was big, bold, graphic prints in fantastic color combinations. It was in every way much cooler than the girl stuff. There was the occasional "neutral" piece that was yellow or green (of course). To which the other moms all agreed that they wouldn't put their boy in that. I guess it was too girly?

Ironically, one of those very same moms wanted to know why the girls clothes couldn't be more like the boys clothes. Why couldn't it have fun, dynamic prints with bolder colors.

So the semiotics of the girls clothes were sweet, cute, passive, and quiet.

The boys clothes: bold, big, aggressive, full of action.

The women wanted the girls to be able to be more like boys. No problem. Feminism is all about women getting to be bold and full of action.

The women wanted the boys clothes to stay exactly the same, the boys in those clothes to stay exactly the same, and were even uncomfortable with the gender neutral pieces.

Hold up.

So how exactly are you planning on redefining gender roles by changing girls and telling your boy to stay exactly as macho, repressed, and frankly, homophobic as the culture has ever told him to be? Why should girls get to be strong and active, but there's no space for a sweet, quiet boy? That, my friends, is screwed up.

I'm not going to say that men have it worse in our culture. That's nonsense. There's the pay disparity, the whole rape and abuse thing, the lack of child care options, and the oversexualization of women (apparently down to age 4 now). But I will say that there are significant gender issues to deal with as the mama of a boy too. Why can't I buy Ollie a pink shirt with a fire truck and a dog on it (his holy trifecta)? Why is it a problem if I call my baby boy beautiful? He is beautiful. The old ladies don't need to freak out and correct it to handsome when they find out his name is Oliver. I want to raise my son to be who he is, whoever that is. I'm not worried about wearing pink affecting the sexual orientation of a fifteen month old. And it saddens me that these otherwise hip, cool mamas mostly were.

To sum up, I present a picture of Ollie in his pink polo shirt, chilling out with an afternoon beverage. Looking as yuppie as can be (see now raising a yuppie, that I need to worry about):

Ollie's been signing more all of a sudden. But he's not using it the way we expected. He uses it to express pleasure. Like, when he's nursing. I love milk! More! Even if he's still in the process of nursing at the time. Tonight when I was rocking him to sleep he looked up at me and signed more. More Mama. More snuggling. More you and me. And I thought yes baby, more. More red trucks and strawberries, more crinkly paper, more kisses and rolling around on the floor, more hugging doggies and kitties, more smiles. You hear that world? We want more.

So Julian’s super cool parents needed to go to SXSW to see some bands, make some connections, live the rock star life. And lucky for us, this meant Julian got to spend the day here.

So while his parents were rocking out, Julian rocked Kellies Farm Ln…

He also ate mango and got water and sand EVERYWHERE (hence the topless look)

And rode a Zebra:

He's a busy boy, that Julian, with a crazy laugh and the urge to investigate EVERYTHING.

There are no pictures of him and Ollie together, because Julian very sweetly tried to give Ollie a hug and a kiss, and my weird anti-social baby smacked him away and started crying. He spent the rest of the day eying him warily. Who knows why Ollie's so weird about personal space right now. Hopefully it's just a phase.

The love I feel for him continues to be all encompassing and overwhelming.

He is the greatest joy to me.

I continue to be totally infatuated with my beautiful baby.

So the last entry where I was complaining about him not sleeping? Well, they say that when kids are making a big developmental leap they stop sleeping well. And he is doing so many cool things!

The first, and most important, is that he's sleeping now! Last night he slept from 7 to 5:30 in the morning. He started settling down in his crib and going to sleep with out endless rocking, so we night weaned in like two days, and now he sleeps really really well. Give or take some nights where something's off. But we are all starting to feel a lot better and a lot more sane. Nobody told me my child wouldn't sleep for the first thirteen months of his life, but I'm so glad we've finally gotten there.

Also, he is saying and doing so many cool things. I know everybody thinks their child is a genius, and I am no exception. Yesterday at day care I handed him Gertrude to carry to the car and he said, very clearly and distinctly, Gertrude. Which is said three or four more times. Then this morning, he heard an airplane in the sky. He's fascinated with garbage trucks, trucks in general, planes and all transportation. And dogs. Those are his favorite things. Anyway, Eric said, "that's an airplane Ollie," and Ollie saw that Eric was wearing a Boeing shirt with a Super Hornet on it and pointed to the plane! Which he proudly repeated for me when I came downstairs. He might end up disappointed that all planes don't look like FA-18s, but hey. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Yesterday he also apparently said sock at daycare. So last night while he was in the bath I held up a sock and said, "What is this?" trying to get him to repeat it. I was like, "say sock Ollie. Sock. Where's the sock?" He took the sock and said, "That is this." And looked at me like I was a moron. He is saying new words all the time. It is so adorable to hear a tiny child say Gertrude. I cannot tell you.

It is amazing all the things he has absorbed and all the new and cool things he is doing. There has been discussion on some feminist blogs lately about how parents and not parents are equally happy. And I'd say that I was as happy, if not more, on a day to day basis when I wasn't a parent. Happiness is easy. It's cheap. It's being well rested and enjoying a glass of wine with a good book. But since I was a parent I have more joy and I feel like my life has more meaning. Watching this little person become a person and reveal who he is is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. And while on days where I am tired, and he is cranky, and I want some me space, I'm not necessarily happy, I do feel like I am accomplishing more with my life.

  

For the last couple of days Oliver has been impossible.

I know he's sick.

I know he's teething.

I know he has a horrible sore on his finger because he's chewed it so much.

I also know he's not sleeping, so we're not sleeping. He's whining and crying constantly. He doesn't know what he wants (because what he wants is to feel better and some sleep). So he just asks for things and then shoves them away and cries some more.

It is incredibly frustrating. If I could make him feel better I would absolutely do it. If I could do whatever he wanted to make him happy? I would do it.

But I can't do anything but take deep breaths and hope this passes soon. Try to have patience. Try to be the good mama I want to be.

Also, he now says red, all done (while signing it), and light.

It has been quite a long time since I updated this. For one thing we were traveling for a long time. We didn't get back to our home until Jan 26th, which was a week after we had intended to. We were all tired and overwhelmed and dealing with cleaning clothes and settling back in to our routine.

 

We have settled, but we are still very tired. Ollie is cutting molars and they seem to be very painful. He is gnawing on his fingers so much he's given himself a blister. He's also had a fever the past weekend and is congested. So he's been a cranky boy. We had been getting blessed with him sleeping 4-5 hour chunks, which was awesome, but those went away with the virus and the teeth pain. We've regressed to infant stage, where he won't sleep unless he's on one of us and we're all exhausted.

 

In the day time though, he's as sweet a boy as ever and my one true love. Today he learned to say the word "yellow." His vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds. In England one morning he and I were having breakfast and he pointed to my bowl and very clearly said, "What's that?" "It's oatmeal" I replied, "Would you like some?" "Yes." He said definitively, and ate half my oatmeal. He's got dog, cat, duck, this, that, car, glasses, and any number of other words. You do have to listen carefully for them though. They all sound a little muttered and toddlerish.

 

For his birthday his grandma and grandpa Kokai gave him a water table that he loves. We try to get out every day its not freezing cold so he can splash about. He really likes being outdoors. He also loves the doggies and wants to spend as much time with them as he can. Anytime he hears a dog bark outside he stops what he's doing, swivels towards the noise and says "dog." At my first soccer practice he observed me scrimmaging and then walked over (holding Eric's finger) and kicked a soccer ball around for awhile. The other morning he was eating breakfast at his little table and he would boogie over to me, get a bite of yogurt, and boogie away. Then he would dance back when he wanted more yogurt and dance away. He's really enjoying eating at his little table, especially since we don't worry about how long he takes or if he gets bored and wanders off with his cheese or whatever. I'm not too worried that when he's 12 he won't know how to sit still and eat at a table. He's just not there yet (more's the pity for Eric's and my meals). He's still wanting to hold a finger or two as he walks around the house, but he is starting to walk more on his own, especially at day care.

 

A while ago my Bradley bookgroup read Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. Right now I'm reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. The former will be better when Ollie is older, I think. The latter has been very helpful right now. The toddler book tells us to recognize and reflect Ollie's feelings in a way a one year old (at the developmental level of a Chimp) can understand. Then when he knows we understand explain to him why we can or can't do what he wants. It also says that a one year old is all extreme emotion, so its ok to get excited with him when he does stuff for the first time and is proud of himself. This is in contrast to unconditional parenting, which warns against empty praise. At age two when he is more developmentally advanced you dial down the praise to be more about observing and commenting on what your child is doing. Although Karp says that you can use effusive praise occasionally like sprinkles on a sundae (this is not his metaphor, I don't think, I'm just obsessed with ice cream since I'm not allowed to have it this week since I gained half a pound instead of losing any weight).

 

This of course means that when Ollie gets upset now you hear Eric or I saying in an emphatic voice, "No want! No want! No want diaper! No want diaper! No want!" until Ollie knows we understand he doesn't want his diaper changed, or whatever, and when he calms down we explain in simple words why he needs a clean dry butt. It seems a little goofy, but I'm ok with goofy. Particularly if it helps us communicate with Ollie and it helps him feel like we understand and validate his wants and needs, even if we have to say no sometimes.

 

Mostly what I'm concentrating on is trying to appreciate my child for who he is and support him. Karp also has a personality assessment test for the little ones and asks you to place your child on a spectrum. I know that Ollie is cautious and slow to do things. Like walking, for example. This can be frustrating when he demands you walk him around instead of doing it himself. But this is who he is. If I pushed him to try this stuff without me he would get more upset and refuse to do it at all. So I will be patient until he feels safe. I know that Ollie bites and pinches and scratches when he gets tired. This is not personal, this is him being exhausted and not knowing how to deal with these feelings. So I just try to be patient until he finally naps. On the flip side, Ollie is incredibly cuddly and will wander over and snuggle with Eric or I a million times a day. I wouldn't give that trait up for the world. I am definitely not always perfect about these things, particularly when I haven't had any sleep because mister mister is in pain. I just have to keep trying to understand him and do the best job I can as his parent.

We're in England now!

Ollie did his best to be a cheerful traveller, even though we got up at 4 AM on January 6th and didn't arrive at the house here until 2 on January 7th. He refused to nap almost all day on the 6th, but slept in his travel cot they gave us on the plane pretty well, even though people were loud and it was more or less a vinyl box (Eric said he looked like he was in a coffin, which is morbid but true). Last night he and I went to bed around 4:30 and slept until 9. He woke up some, and after we noticed their nursery was very cold and brought him into bed with us, he did crazy acrobatics. Eric woke up at one point and his feet were on Eric's pillow and his head on ours. Another time he crawled (in his sleep) to the head of the bed and was banging his head into the headboard trying to go forward. Another time he turned around completely and was crawling under the duvet. Eric woke up and stopped him, but that scares me since I don't want him suffocating and we usually keep the duvet far down from him to avoid that.

We are having a good time here... though Ollie and I just tried to go to to grocery store in Fiona's car and the extremely hilly and windy roads (which are driven quite speedily here) made us both really really car sick. Ols threw up everywhere (which he's never done before) and I almost did too. We hastily requested to come back and after he nursed for awhile and I lay down, we're both feeling better. We might have to come up with a new plan on how to get around.

It has been great to see Ben, who is adorable in every way, and awesome to hang out with Fiona and Lesley. And after a long morning nap, which we actually had to wake him up from (not wanting him to get days and nights confused) Ollie seems to be in pretty good spirits and, contrary to the title of the entry, not too jet lagged.

Exciting things are happening with our friends in Texas, not the least of which is all the adorable babies turning 1 and other media related hijinks, and we are sorry to miss those. But it is great to be back in Bristol and we have plans to go to Bath, Wagamama, and Renato's (a city and two restaurants) which are some of our favorite places.

A year ago Oliver Grey Kokai-Means was born. At four in the morning after hours and hours of tough labor they wheeled me into surgery and at five they extracted Ollie from my womb. I was so tired when it happened. Unfortunately he wasn't breathing and as my doctor sewed me up other doctors and nurses crowded around my baby and got him oxygen and made him pink and breathing. They placed a blue and pink striped cap on his head, an oxygen mask the size of softball on his mouth. They whisked him by me, showing me his face, tiny scrunched up eyes. Pink smooth skin. And he was gone.

The next week was the hardest week of my life. It was filled with terrifying moments of worrying about his health and with the agony of not being with my baby. Not holding my baby. Not snuggling him or nursing him or rocking him to sleep. Not being a mom they way I wanted to.

When I think about Ollie's birth I always seem to have to start here. It's not what I want to think about. I have hopes that the memories will continue to fade. Continue to be replaced by the beautiful moments that happen every day. And that I can someday focus on what I want to focus on, which is that if I had to, I would live through every moment of that day again if I needed to do it for my Ollie.

I can not express how much I love my Ollie. How much I love his golden curly hair and the way it smells as he snuggles up to my shoulder. The way he's taken to throwing an arm around me and pulling me close to snuggle as he nurses (which involves me doing some contortions). How he learned to stick out his tongue and then recently he began to blow kisses at us, sucking his cheeks in tightly and smooching at us.

Ollie is walking now. Things like this take on special significance for me because the neurologist told us that his brain damage might result in developmental delays. The brain damage is gone, and the development is right on track. This is one of the things I want to get over too, I want to be able to celebrate his milestones without thinking of them as still proving he is ok. I'm sure this will get easier with time as well. He walked a few steps the other day and yesterday he took off walking clear across the room. He likes to walk a bit at a time, but he also still wants a hand to help him some. He can do it, but he's not steady and he's so sure. But he can do it.

We cut his hair today. Trimmed above the ears and the back. He had cinnamon roll for breakfast with sugary icing. He loved it. He ignored his presents, dunked a mug into the dog water and tried to drink it, did some finger painting. Turns out blue paint is not as tasty as cinnamon roll, but his impression of William Wallace was pretty awesome. It was a good birthday. 

And I could snuggle with him whenever I wanted.  

  

Ollie took three steps on his own!!! And the dude's still not even sure if he wants to stand up by himself! One of these days he's totally just going to take off and walk.

The most AMAZING THING happened last night. Oliver Grey Kokai-Means went to bed at 8 (a little later than normal because I had car issues and was late getting home) and then slept.... until 4:30 in the morning!!!! Then he got up, drank some milk, and slept until 8!!! HE SLEPT ALL DAMN NIGHT!!! Not the stupid baby book all night (five hours) BUT ACTUALLY ALL NIGHT. At 4 Eric and I both woke up and I feared he might be dead so we went to check on him, and there he was snoozing peacefully.

 

Lately he has been getting better about putting himself to sleep (he just wants Eric's hand on his back or for him to stay in the room, but he doesn't want to be rocked so much), or sleeping for longer periods. We've had our fingers crossed that he was teaching himself to sleep. We know that CIO (crying it out) won't work for him, so we had to just hope that he would eventually get the idea. Which it seems like he's doing! People said that their babies learned at around a year, but I had to admit I didn't have so much faith. In fact, Eric and I were joking about what we wanted for Christmas and I said "For Ollie to sleep through the night" and as if he psychically heard me he did!

 

Maybe he's just trying to ensure he doesn't totally lose access to milk from me because I'm having health problems lately that seem to be leading inexorably towards weaning. Yesterday my neurologist told me he wasn't comfortable giving me any preventative migraine meds until I weaned Ollie. All I could have was more Tylenol with Codeine (I did get an anti-nausea medicine this time too). This is after I was forced to accept that I needed to take a decongestant (which might dry up my milk) because I was so sick with this cold that I couldn't breathe. I spent two days gasping for air and gave up (and I felt SO much better when I took the medicine). I had planned to let Ollie nurse as long as he wanted (especially since the WHO says to nurse him to 2 years). I wanted weaning to be like sleep, a natural gradual decision on all of our parts. But it seems like Mama's body is falling apart. I know that a year is good, better than good considering my mom did a few months on each of us before quitting and we're still intelligent folk (healthy is another question, obviously). It's a really hard decision and I don't know what to do. I decided to go with the Tylenol until February when we get back into town and he is a year.

 

Honestly, I don't mind putting his needs ahead of mine as long as it is something he actually *needs*. I am not sure how I feel about nursing after a year. Is it something he needs or something that would be nice to do? Is it worth enduring more and more frequent headaches and auras that render me unable to function? Disrupting all of our work schedules? It would seem on an intellectual level that the answer to that is no. On an emotional level my baby boy is growing up so fast! He's so independent these days. And at the same time, this is freaking him out. He's gotten very clingy of me of late. When I walk into a room he shrieks and has to climb up me and hug my neck really tight like he's afraid I'll leave. It seems like his independence is making him feel like he's unsure I'll still be there for him and he wants to make sure our relationship is solid. In that sense, now would be the WORST time to wean him. It would be like, hey buddy, you don't need your mama anymore. Go thrive on your own! Right now I think he needs the nursing time to reconnect and feel assured I still love him and will still be there all the time. So on a physical level, maybe it would be the best idea for us to quit soon. On an emotional level, neither of us seem ready. Arrgh. This is so tough.

 

On the other hand, I just had to lower the contrast on my laptop monitor significantly because the screen was so bright it was hurting my head. And I've had to be careful with the TV lately because flickering images give me migraines.

 

Well clearly some kind of decision has to be made. Luckily it doesn't have to be made until February.  

One more month and my baby boy is a year! A year!!

 

Eric and I were talking last night and it seems like lately he's doing something new every single day. For example, he's now sitting himself up on his own. This allows him to get to his knees. Which in turn means he can pull himself up on anything. Last night every time he woke up he stood up and started screaming. It's an exciting new trend, and one that makes it less likely he'll just roll over and go back to sleep like we'd like. He can get up on his hands and knees, though he still army crawls the majority of the time to get places. Really, he prefers you help him and he walk. He's balanced on his own a bit, but he's not really sure about that yet.  

 

Ollie is also saying yes, this, that, dog, mama, and dada. He's signing milk, more, eat, and finished (which are basically the only signs we use, so hey). He can point to your nose when you ask him to.

 

He claps now, and it's the cutest thing ever. He claps for himself. He claps when I feed him milk. He claps when other people clap. He waves hello and bye bye.

 

We got him his first pair of grown-up shoes for our trips North. They have squeakers in them, so he loves to walk and hear the squeaking. It turns out he has very fat feet- wide and fat on top. The squeakers weren't intentionally, they were the only kind that would fit. It's exciting that something on him is fat.

 

Ollie loves to swipe credit cards through the machines at the grocery store. He loves watching the dogs wrestle. He loves playing in their elevated feeder as his own make shift water table. He loves singing and dancing. He loves giving kisses and hugs (still). He loves walking around the house with his push walking toy. He still loves hearing story book. He loves bouncing. He loves being flipped upside down and doing gymnastics with me. He loves watching trucks. He loves lying on the bed and having mama or dada bounce around him. He loves playing in the dirt.

 

Ollie is practicing feeding himself now. After I feed him for awhile he'll grab the spoon and practice feeding himself. Sometimes he gets it, other times he invents crazy techniques where he spoons the food out with one hand and then scoops it off with the other fist and shoves that fist into his mouth. I told him that doesn't really count, though it is effective.

 

It is amazing seeing him change so fast. It makes me happy for him and a little sad. It seems like this year has gone so quickly! How fast can the others go?

 

Luckily Ollie is not a baby that goes to sleep on his own, so at night he wants to be rocked to sleep when he wakes up. He snuggles up to you and hugs your neck and drifts off eventually. He looks so sweet and angelic and perfect in every way. My baby is the most beautiful wonderful baby and I love him so.

While we were in Florida Ollie decided he wanted to move! So he started army crawling everywhere. And pushing up on his hands and knees and trying to crawl. And pushing up on his feet so he's doing Downward Dog and thinking about walking. He looks so happy when he's racing across the carpet to stop me from drinking a cup of coffee or getting a single moment to myself.

Ha ha Mama! You cannot escape me now!!!

(I should mention he's in a super clingy phase where no one but me will do. It's sweet... and really annoying).

Somebody on my Attached Parenting posted this the other day:

"Parents don't trust that their children will naturally become more independent, but think that they need to begin fostering independence from birth. Independence is one of our culture's most ingrained values."

While I don't think it's quite that simple (I mean, I do know some kids who have never detached) I do think that's generally true. It's ridiculous for people to think that at nine months I should be teaching Ollie to do without me. He's teaching himself. Here are all the things he can do at nine months:

-respond to his name (full name and nicknames)

-pull up on a box or his crib by himself

-take his shirt off

-give kisses (he knows the word kiss too)

-put objects (like little people) in their correct places

-wave bye bye and hello

-flirt with people to get what he wants

-problem solve. The other day at Lava Java he wanted stuff that was higher than him. So he tried climbing up a high chair to get higher to get it.

-find random things hilariously funny (such as putting the duck in mama's mouth in the bath, taking it out, and putting it back in again- not the whole duck, the whole duck doesn't fit)

-pick up small pieces of cereal and put them in his mouth

-use his spoon

-match pitches when we sing

-mimic and imitate me (we checked out a cloth tool set from Family Connections and I used the wrench to adjust his nose as a joke. I handed him the wrench and got in the front seat to drive. I looked back in the mirror and he was adjusting his nose. He's also mimicked sounds, like when I said, "this is a duck. quack. quack. And he said, "duck. quack. quack.")

-call Eric and I mama and dada (he doesn't distinguish)

-he knows what the words light, dog, cat, sing, dance, boogie, clap, block, toy, snuggle, eat, milk, and more mean

-he can sign milk and more

-he recognizes himself in the mirror and gives himself kisses

-if placed on his stomach in the water he will doggie paddle

This is what we can think of off the top of our head. As you can see, he is growing by leaps and bounds. He remains beautiful and very smart (well, we are his parents. It's a biological imperative we think so). He has changed so much in nine months! The other day I saw a two month old with the glassy, pirate eyes (aargh matey!) in her own little world and I was like, damn. They change into people so fast!! Here is what I know of Ollie's personality: he is a flirt, he is very curious and observant, he is easily frustrated and will give up on things that are hard but when he really wants to accomplish something he's super persistant (god, he sounds exactly like both his parents in this respect), he loves to sing and dance, he is very sweet and affectionate, he's not very good at playing by himself (should we suck it up and make him a sibling?), he sets his own schedule and timeline, he loves books and the pets.

So is it nature or nurture that you get exactly the perfect baby for you?

In nine months we've changed too. We are definitely more confident as parents. As the birth thing gets further away I am more able to let it go and not think about it. Someday I know it won't matter at all. Already the scary parts of labor and the suckiness of avoiding drugs for all the painful shit just to get a c-section and a tummy that looks like Fred Thompson's face have been replaced for me by the fact that that's how I got to meet Ollie! Whatever I had to do to get an Ollie is ok, I am ok with it.

Eric and I continue to struggle to figure out our new relationship as parents too and not primarily lovers and friends. We are running on oxytocin these days and no dopamine or norepinephrine (when you're in love, three chemicals are produced. The oxytocin is the chemical that causes lasting contentment. It's also the chemical produced by breastfeeding. The latter two chemicals are the lust and initial sparks of a relationship, or so I have learned from the Radio Lab podcast). But supposedly you can create the latter two by being in a dangerous unpredictable situation with someone (a la the movie Speed) so Eric and I will just have to white water raft someday in the future. I wonder why parenting doesn't count? We continue to work on it though, to negotiate to make things fair and to make everybody happy.

So things are good. And now I have to get to work.  

Occasionally we worry a bit about Ollie's development. Something about the fact that he was brain damaged at birth and the neurologist said at one point he might be developmentally delayed. Later they declared him fine, but, you know. Also, he's not really crawling or walking like some of his peers. Which would be fine. Except for the brain damage thing. And my paranoia.

Anyway.

According to this test developed by the University of Eugene, Ollie's development is right on track.

This makes us happy. It just turns out the babies he hangs out with are all freaking over achievers. But, like I keep saying, Ollie is just channeling all of his development into being freaking gorgeous.

Also, Ollie and I were singing in the grocery store today. Our song goes, "AHHHHHH. AHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHH." Henry and Steph also sing this song in the car. I try to harmonize with Ollie, but he can't be relied on to hold the same pitch.

Ollie also gave me about a million and seven kisses today. I am such a lucky girl to get so many sweet gooey kisses from my baby boy.

Well, Ollie is moving towards eating solid foods. Not the baby kind of solid food, ie pureed stuff, but actual solid chunks of food. We've started with the previously mentioned Organic Teddy Puffs, which don't dissolve quickly, but involve chewing. He's doing pretty well with them. I still freak out when he gags or chokes, but I try to restrain myself because I know that's a natural part of learning to chew and swallow. I have to let him figure it out.

We also bought our plane tickets for England. Yay! Not that we have the money for them, but it will be so much fun to see Ben, Fiona, Simon, Fiona's parents, etc. And we're going to Animal Kingdom in October. Someday a very pissed off Ollie is going to be like, why did you take me to Colonial Williamsburg, Disney World, and England all before I could remember it? And we'll be like, well, it just kinda worked out that way. Sorry dude.

Eric and I were so tired last night from our work. We pulled up all the tile, ceramic and vinyl, and hauled it to the curb. I ripped off the old fencing and installed most of the new (four boards short dammit). We were really, really tired.

Also because Ollie spent Saturday night shrieking any time someone put him down.

So we gave in. The next thing we knew our eight month old was eating organic teddy puffs and staring, slack jawed, eyes full of amazement at Britney Spear's sucky opening to the VMA's.

We tried to make sure to interact with him and the TV ("that's Sarah Silverman baby. She's famous cause she's pretty and crude, but she's never funny." "That man goes by Fiddy Cent sweetheart, he was shot nine times.") but we knew it was wrong.

Of course my nipple has a big scab on it where he bit me, so the wrong goes both ways.

Today was better. I explained more thoroughly about the food situation and he drank all his milk. It was easier for me to leave him (though not easy) and I got work done. I had a nice lunch with Sarah. Well, it was nice to talk to Sarah, I'm not so sure about the quality of food we're feeding our undergrads in the dorms.

He smiled when I picked him up.

It's not fun, but it does seem to be getting easier.

Well, sweet boy, apparently worn out from your day care adventures you slept last night from 12 to 5 am. Your parents are very thankful.

Today you are exactly 8 months old. That means it's time to write my semi-monthly letter to you! I hope someday you read them all in your baby book and know how much I have always loved you.

Well, today was the day.

It figures that Ollie was sleeping peacefully and quietly at 7 am when the alarm went off. I mean, he woke up at six am the last five or six days in a row when we had no reason to be up that early, why not choose to sleep in the day we had to get up?

He and I got there and there was a flurry of activity as I tried to learn where everything went and how to do it. Though they were very nice and friendly, I wish they had been a little clearer and more helpful for me on what to do and how to do it. A lot of it seems second nature for them and I couldn't figure it all out correctly.

I got everything more or less sorted and fed Ollie and then left. He was playing with the teacher when I left and didn't even notice me going. I sat down outside to put my shoes on and saw him in there and I cried. I told you I'd be the wuss not him.

Then I went to school. I talked the FAL into letting me store milk in their freezer. I did some work. Not as much as I would have liked, but some. I had lunch with Chase. At three I gave up and went to get him.

So apparently he had a pretty good day. He watched bubbles outside and enjoyed that. She said he was very observant all day, which is typical Ollie. She also said that he was easily comforted by anyone holding him, which she thought was nice. I thought it was... umm... good, but made me feel disposable. They also said they got him to take an hour and forty minute nap. How in god's name did they do that?

On the downside, I guess I didn't explain his eating well enough. They only gave him five ounces of milk total, but 1 and a half jars of baby food and a bunch of juice. I will have to stress that he get all 10 ounces of milk each day before any other kind of food because milk is the most calorically dense and he needs his calories. He was very hungry when I picked him up.

It was ok. We will probably be ok. I will get work done. I will have lunch with colleagues and friends like a grown-up. I will graduate. I will get a job that pays real money. I will just miss my baby something fierce.

So Ollie and I spent the morning "acclimating" to day care. The thought of it makes me so unhappy. I understand it's the best thing for us- me getting my dissertation done, him being a social butterfly playing with other kids. And even a few months ago if you'd asked me I'd have said I was excited. But as it turns out, I was lying. I am not at all excited. I love being Ollie's mom. I love it. I never thought, honestly, that I'd make that great of a mom. I'm pretty impatient and seem reserved to the rest of the world. But I'm really good at being Ollie's mom. I never run out of patience with him. I love seeing him giggle. I love taking baths with him, every night, even though that's technically when Eric's the parent and I'm off the hook. I love snuggling with him late at night when he's trying to figure out how to go to sleep again. Today I read him Click, Clack, Moo six times in a row (because he never grows tired of hearing it) and I did it in six different accents. Seriously, I brag because I am so damn confused at how much I love being his mom.

Nobody gives you much positive feedback as a PhD student. Mostly they tell you your work sucks, you're lazy, you're a bad teacher, etc. Mostly they just make you feel like shit and completely inept at everything you try to do. Never do they giggle at you. Never do they rip off your glasses, study you seriously, grab you and kiss you, and try to put your glasses back on as if they were the hero in a bad romantic comedy. Never do they smile their biggest, happiest smile everytime you enter the room.

So why exactly am I giving up time with Smudgey to be a PhD student? Lord if I know.

So new Ollie pictures are up, and he is finally bigger! He is now in 6-9 month clothes. He's a wee little man... by the time he's 2 he's projected to be 22 pounds. We know lots of people with big ol' babies so it worries us a little, but he seems fine. One of the comments we get most about Ollie (besides how gorgeous he is) is the intelligent curiosity he radiates. He stares at everything fascinated by it. Sometimes he doesn't blink, which is uncanny and creeps people out. I love that he has those qualities (well, not necessarily the creeping people out). Other babies may be friendlier, or more mellow, or faster to crawl or sit, but Ollie is my little philosopher, viewing the world and striving to make sense of it. I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect.

I'm going to try and use this blog to talk about Ollie and not just stuff for Ollie. Transition it over, as it were.

One of the other things I want to record is that being a parent has made me a better person. I'm still me... silly, goofy, sarcastic, snarky, sometimes pretentious, and sometimes too quick to snap at Eric, but I'm also nicer, more patient, more unguarded with strangers, more approachable, I think. When Ollie won't sleep and I'm spending 45 minutes rocking side to side with him, I think of how much I love him, and I try to radiate that love to him, plus sleepy thoughts, safe thoughts, warm thoughts, and think how I will always love him more than anything. And even though I get tired of swaying, I never get impatient with him. I know I couldn't have done that before. I've been doing better writing on my dissertation too, when I do writing on it.

Ollie starts daycare on Sept 4th. I am alternately excited (I want to get done with this stupid dissertation! 14 hours a week to just write- what luxury!!) and freaked out. What if he sits up for the first time without me? What if he walks? Talks? I will be so sad to miss those. Speaking of talking, at the moment we suspect he is calling me Bob. We say "Mama" to him and he says "BobBob" back. I guess he hasn't quite gotten to the making m's yet.

So already my Mom has been asking what Ollie would like for Christmas. I have decided to do a quick list here of good possibilities and then not think about it again.

Also, I'm thinking that maybe this blog could become more of a chronicle of Ollie's life than just a registry. So I might start writing posts about Ollie here instead of the top secret pregnancy journal. It was top secret because so much of pregnancy is GROSS. Of course, much of parenthood is gross too, but we're no longer talking about my body or my shame. Humiliating your child is fair game, right?

Anyway. Christmas:

I've included practical and impractical here for your pleasure. :)

First off, is a car seat. We need to buy him a new car seat by 1 year of age, and they are expensive. We plan on getting a Britax Marathon and it's a pricey sucker. It's like, $300 almost. This is really the only thing he truly needs (besides diapers, see below).

We would like an Ollie sized chair and ottoman. I like this one from Babystyle:
http://www.babystyle.com/common/dProductDetail.asp?SIND=1&PMId=16787&cmCL=srch-chair
here is a picture of Ollie posing in it:

We would like medium or large sized Fuzzi Bunz (new or used or seconds from http://www.fuzzibunzseconds.net/store/Default.asp we don't care). It works best for us to have about 18 diapers in each size and three extra liners or so.

We would like a toy chest for Ollie. Here: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2627221&cp=&sr=1&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2255957&origkw=toy+chest&kw=toy+chest&parentPage=search is the one that goes with his furniture. But I've heard that a bin system where he can see his toys is better for him developmentally. I've seen some of those at Target or wherever. So it doesn't matter to me either way.

We also like wooden, open ended toys. He's not allowed anything that lights up, blinks, or plays music (anything that requires batteries) so we'd really rather he didn't get them. We also don't (and won't) allow him to watch TV for quite some time, so he's not going to recognize anybody like Elmo or Spongebob.

Melissa and Doug make some cool wooden toys, but we're not picky here (well, please try not to get them painted with lead). Honestly we are uncomfortable with him having too many toys. I get overwhelmed. A few, nice, carefully chosen toys are greatly appreciated!

At some point I want to get him an easel and some art supplies, like non-toxic finger paints.

Also, gift certificates for experiences are good. The Austin Children's Museum. Gymboree for play time, etc.

Oh, and so far he doesn't seem to like stuffed animals. But who knows, that might change. And books are always good. Though he has a lot!

Anyway, now I have a handy list to refer people to. :)

Update: Another one day sale at USA Baby and the mat is taken care of!

This is an example of me and money. So it would be nice to have a play mat and gym for Ollie. Among other things, there is no carpeting in our entire house. He needs something cushy to lie on when he's lying on his stomach (4 times for 5 minutes a time) so his head doesn't become flat.

There are tons and tons out there, ranging in price.

Which one do I like best?

The most expensive one possible.

It's not even intentional people. It's like... in a room full of things without price tags, I will find the most costly and like it best.

Update: Ok, thanks to some lovely presents from some lovely people (Ollie's grandmas and Sandy, to name names), as well as some shopping on our own part, Ollie no longer needs the following things. Thanks for the lovely presents!!

We need a baby bathtub. Apparently the kind with mesh slings on the inside are good for suspending your baby in place. After that, I really couldn't care less.

We need a changing pad with a buckle to keep the thing from plunging over the side (they frown on that). I don't care what kind either.

Apparently we need a cover to go on the changing pad, and it would be nice if it went with the room (see above bedding).

It's likely we could use an extra crib sheet or 2. White or light blue would be fine.

And then I guess you need burp cloths? My friend Shannon seems to have a variety of cloth around for draping over yourself so Fiona (the baby) doesn't throw up on you. I'm not particular on those either, so long as they are not pastel nor have geese or bears or chicks or whatever.

And blankets. I guess it needs a blanket or two, considering it will be born in December.

Can anyone explain to me the difference between a "receiving blanket" and a non "receiving blanket?"

These are cute:

and found at Target.

There was another one, at the store we saw this and it was incredibly soft and comfy. Soft and comfy seems good.


Oh, and apparently some kind of carrier or sling to tote it around in is supposed to be handy.

Update: Finally found the bag on ebay for a somewhat reasonable price. Can cross that off the list... only a few things left to acquire...

Here is the diaper bag we like best:

I'm actually torn now... I like the slate blue one too... I guess either color would work.

This is actually a much cheaper version of one we saw and loved at a store in the mall. It was $150. For a diaper bag?

For some reason I have always loved turtles. And stars. So I was excited to see a turtle that MAKES stars.

Update: Thanks to the showers we have lots of books... of course Ollie could always use more. :)

Another great idea would be to buy the baby your favorite kids' book and put a bookplate inside saying who gave it to him/her.

Make the baby a burrito!

These are available all over the place.

Baby clothing is generally ugly. It's all pastel. It's covered in chicks and teddy bears and generally twee as all hell.

If it's not ugly, it's expensive. So I've been stalking clothing on ebay and at resale shops.

My favorite baby clothes are made by Zutano.

This for example:

and this:

are super cute.

Expensive. But super cute.

Sometimes Gymboree has cute stuff too. We got a onesie off of ebay that has a pirate on it.

Anyway. This post is more like "adventures in good baby design" than actual registry... but that's ok too.

Update: Giant sale at USA Baby means we have acquired these things! Now they would let us take Ollie home from the birthing center.

So I think Eric's family said they would buy us our car seat for Christmas (thanks!). I think the one I like the most is this one:

(the lime green one, not the pink one)

Which I found the cheapest here. There is also a compatible stroller that you can buy with it for a cheaper price, which is nice.

It seems safe, relatively stylish, and much cheaper and lighter than many other travel systems.

Okay, this entry is all about cute baby clothes we've found. :) We have a number of clothes, so it's not like we need all these, but if you want to contribute to a stylin' baby, here are some ideas. We have a fair number of 0-3 month things, but not so many 3-6 month.

When I grow up I want to be a monkey
Hi, I'm new here
Baby Ninja
Why you all up in my grill
Crawl, Walk, ...
I traveled through the birth canal...
My Mom is a Geek
My Dad is a Geek
Mommy's Favorite Deductible
Sippee Cup Sommelier
They Shake Me

Update: Pillow acquired! Pictures of it on completed glider forthcoming.

We bought really cute bedding for the crib. It's the Koi design by Sozo. We stumbled upon it in a sale. We would still like the pillow to go on the glider.

This can be purchased many places online. Here is one example.

Also: here's a neat trick. There are two versions of the set. One with a fancy crib skirt, one with a simple crib skirt. The fancy crib skirt is fancy because it has a silk overlay overtop a cotton one. It costs substantially more than the set with just the cotton one. HOWEVER, you can buy the silk overlay as a curtain valance for much cheaper. Then, you can just sew that sucker right overtop the simple cotton one and have saved $30 and gotten the exact same look.

Update: crib is ordered and should be in relatively soon. Glider is all done (as is visible in pictures). Today we bought a dresser off of Craig's List (for $15!) and after spraying it with things to remove the bugs (spiders, spider egg sacs, and wasp/mud dauber nests- I think it was in this guy's garage), Eric will sand it and give it a coat of black paint. We might put new hardware on it too. Then we will be all set for furniture!

Jenny's parents have graciously offered to buy us the crib as a Christmas present (thanks!). We bought a glider and ottoman used and Eric refinished it black and Jenny sewed (or, is sewing) new cushion covers for it. We bought the changing table on sale. This just leaves a small black dresser for the infant's stuff.

Here is the cheapest most acceptable black dresser we found:

And here is the link to where it can be purchased.

So just like when you get married, when you have a baby you're supposed to make a registry. Here is our problem: there is no store where we like the stuff enough to register at it.

The stuff we like is scattered all over. We'd be happy to buy it for ourselves (the whole registry idea squicks me out, frankly), and if no one ever reads this- we're ok with that.

But just in case people ask for a registry, I thought we'd make this to point them in a direction.

First off: generalities. We do not want anything that's extremely gendered. What do I mean by this? We don't want anything that says "Daddy's little sports fan" or "Princess" (unless you're buying it for Cara). The other day I saw a onesie that said, and I'm not kidding, "Boys like dogs and trucks." Well, I hope that it will like dogs, or it's in trouble, but I assume not all boys like dogs and trucks, and it's equally likely girls will like dogs and trucks, so that onesie is stupid.

I'm not even all that keen on things that say "I love Mommy" because according to the book The Singularity is Near by Ray Kurzweil, babies don't develop the capacity to love until they are four months old. So there's no point in having the baby lie before it's old enough to talk. Also, there's a disproportionately small amount of stuff that says "I love Daddy" and we find that strange and troubling. Perhaps it is because they assume women will be buying the majority of the baby's clothes? Perhaps it is because the bond between a mother and a child is privileged in our society? We dunno.

We don't really like pastel all that much either.

We're also planning on using a diaper service, so we don't want disposible diapers. We could, however, use some diaper covers.

I know, I know. This makes it difficult to buy things for babies. This is why we couldn't register any place.

So here is a collection of things we would like for the infant. If nothing else, it can serve as a central repository shopping list for us.

Thank you very much, Eric, Jenny, and Oliver Grey Kokai-Means